Dear Fay

I don't know what kind of funny business you have planned for Florida for next week, but I'm writing to tell you to just put it out of your mind, right now!

This is a big week coming up for many mothers in this lovely state. It is the week that we send our little darlings off to school so we can get some peace so they can receive wonderful educational enrichment.

We have spent the last weeks reading newsletters, buying school supplies, and generally psyching our kids up for this overwhelmingly exciting event in the hopes that the transition back to school will be a smooth one - don't you dare cause a mandatory closing of all schools in the area!

Furthermore, only today at Casa Blooming, we've been congratulating ourselves on our ability to stay way within budget this month - no small task given the current economic climate (and the fact that this is a five week month). We've enjoyed the slightly lower gas prices recently, but don't you MAKE me bust this budget by having the unplanned expense of having to fill up our two vehicles as part of the routine run on gas that comes with storm preps. Don't you dare have me running around hedging my bets while you fickle meteorological systems figure out if you're going to take aim at us or not!

You need to understand that part of our budgetary success in this latter part of the month has been achieved through using up small stockpiles in the pantry. I don't plan on replenishing these items until the end of this month. You shimmying up the West Coast of Florida, with all your fancy lightning fireworks, and breezy buddies, would be inconvenient to say the least.

Truth be told - I dread the thought of the grocery store at the best of times, I'm not sure I can handle it out there - me and all the rest of the last minute merchants scurrying to get supplies in and loading my cart up with a billion cartons of water. So please, bear my brittle mental state in mind when weighing up your route options, pretty please? Surely it wouldn't make much difference to you to take a sharp right turn now that you're finished with Hispaniola? Why don't you just head off out into the Atlantic and fizzle out into the blue beyond?

If you absolutely insist on paying us a visit, please obey our rules. Play nice, don't make too much of a mess, and don't bring any uninvited guests, oh say, like power cuts or flooding, okay?

Yours ever hopefully,

Blooming Marvelous.